Whether we acknowledge it or not, every relationship—personal or professional—continues because it serves the interests of both parties. In business life, this mutual benefit is almost always financial, though emotional or reputational gains can also play a role. Even the most influential individuals are guided by their own needs, and if your proposal does not align with their interests, they will view engaging with you as a waste of time.
In any form of interaction, both sides expect to gain something. When entering a relationship or making a request, it is essential to identify what the other party’s benefit will be. Their gain does not have to be monetary; it can be gratitude, appreciation, recognition, or even reputation. For example, business leaders may establish foundations or sponsor institutions in exchange for having their names attached to them.
Whenever you ask someone for something, it is wise to offer a form of reciprocity. Without it, future requests are less likely to be fulfilled, responses may slow down, miscommunication increases, and eventually the relationship may deteriorate. Appealing to emotions—such as reminding someone of a favor you previously did for them—is rarely effective. If the other party sees no benefit for themselves, they will likely find a way to avoid helping you. Instead, frame your request in a way that highlights how it also supports their objectives.
The foundation of healthy, long-lasting business relationships is ensuring that—even if not immediately visible—the connection serves the interests of both sides. The reverse is also important. Sometimes individuals or organizations offer seemingly free benefits. In such cases, the unspoken expectation may be tied to future obligations or subtle attempts to create influence or dependency.
Gifts from suppliers, customers, or business partners often carry hidden motives. Accepting gifts in the workplace can distort professional boundaries. The party showing excessive warmth or generosity may be the one whose financial situation is deteriorating, or who may soon be unable to meet obligations.
The saying “Don’t put too much value on a free meal” contains wisdom. A free favor may carry hidden conditions or obligations, leading to feelings of indebtedness or guilt. Paying your own way reinforces independence and strength.
When starting a new job, you may notice individuals who show unusual amounts of attention. They may quickly adopt terms of endearment, invite you to meals, share confidential information, or offer unsolicited support. You respond warmly, build trust, and confide in them. But in time, you may discover that many of these individuals are playing both sides—seeking to influence you, hide their own shortcomings, or prevent you from challenging their agendas. And when your position becomes vulnerable, these same individuals are often the first to disappear.
They appear friendly—but are not truly allies.
That article comes from the experiments we have conducted over the years.
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